BDSM vs ABUSE: Series Intro

I’ve been struggling with what I’d like to call writer’s block for a few weeks. I’d like to call it writer’s block, but in fact it is more like procrastination and self-sabotage. Today I realized that it’s my duty to keep creating content that helps people, even if it only reaches a few. Eventually more will follow. So here I am, starting something new for you.

I worked on a post last week about BDSM vs abuse. I posted it, but due to techincal difficulties it was unpublished soon after and half of the post was erased. I was super bummed and frustrated. It is a very important topic to write about, since so many people inside and outside of the BDSM community struggle to identify the difference between ethical BDSM and actual abuse. It is a huge problem for community members and those who are interested in exploring the lifestyle. It is also a huge problem for the image of the BDSM community as a whole in the eyes of vanilla society.

We’ve all heard the debates over the 50 Shades story line, about whether Christian Grey’s behavior as a Dominant accurately depicted the BDSM lifestyle or was a glorification of abuse. This is a debate that still rages on today. Having not read the books and only watched the first movie, I will hold my judgement for now. The important thing for everyone to remember is that 50 Shades of Grey is fictional, and written by someone who has no first hand experience in the BDSM lifestyle.

Either way, it is an important distinction to make, yet sometimes the lines can be blurred. Things that look very much like abuse from an outsider’s perspective may be things that are completely consensual and very much enjoyed by both partners in a relationship.

The one thing that I want to emphasize is that the key difference between ethical BDSM and abuse is informed consent!

Shocking information about a popular BDSM YouTuber by the name of BegForJay recently came to light, and I was definitely fired up about it. If you have ever even heard of BegForJay, or have followed him in the past, I STRONGLY recommend that you watch this video posted by Brittany Simon. This is a classic case of muddying the waters between consent and informed consent. Taking advantage of someone’s inexperience and trust to put them in risky and dangerous situations both physically and mentally is an abuse of power as a so-called Dominant. This isn’t something that happened once to one person. This happened multiple times to multiple people who have come forward to speak out against this type of behavior. This is just one example of something that happens all too often in the BDSM community.

All the reasons stated above are just some of why it’s so important to be educated as someone coming into the BDSM lifestyle. It’s important to know what’s normal, safe, and acceptable and what’s not. I’d love to take the time to delve into all of the aspects of how to protect yourself and support each other in finding and nurturing healthy, ethical, consensual relationships involving kink and power exchange. Like most things in BDSM, this isn’t just an issue for the submissive types. Dominants can be victims of abuse, too, especially of the mental and emotional variety.

I think that one of, if not THE biggest challenge that a kinky person can face if they “come out” is their loved ones’ concern for their safety and/or their mental stability. This has certainly been my personal experience and one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced lately in my own life. That is why one of my goals as a blogger and an educator is to help clarify the reasons why this lifestyle can be very healthy, safe, and beneficial for those who choose it.

As usual, I’d love to get your feedback and hear your questions and experiences on this topic! Comment on this post, hit me up on Instagram, or email me! If you have a story to share, I want to hear it! Speaking about these things is empowering for individuals and for the whole BDSM community.

In my next post…

I plan to go over some of the different guidelines used in BDSM, such as SSC, RACK, and PRICK. I’ll discuss the differences and similarities between them, and share my opinions on each.

Till next time, love and light.

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2 thoughts on “BDSM vs ABUSE: Series Intro

  1. Yet another great read ๐Ÿ™‚
    can’t wait for the next post!

    mama

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, love! I will be posting the next one in a couple days!

      Like

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